Tuesday, July 30, 2002

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

- Jim Elliot

It has been nearly a week since my last post. Perhaps I'm losing my intensity for blogging. Maybe I’m just refocusing my priorities towards my exams. In any case, I think I will deviate from my usual blogging style (streams of consciousness/lessons learned) and give a general update of my life. Over the last week, I’ve experience the end of many things: last assignment, last quiz, last midterm. Besides academics, last week included the last official program for CCF as well as the last official day of school. In many ways, it’s a time of closure… a time to think about what happened this past term and how it has contributed in making me the man that I am today. 1) CCF Our last official fellowship program every term usually consists of a time of sharing. Although I am usually a little apprehensive about this specific program (due to bad experiences in the past), I found myself looking forward to this term’s sharing. As an individual, I have experienced loss, rejection, anger, and fear. Yet because of the community of CCF, I have balanced those prior emotions with peace, joy, understanding, and love. CCF has experienced so much this term and I wanted to hear what my brothers and sisters have learned these past four months. Through the sharing, a truly saw God at work. Blessings were flowing all around in spite of a rather tumultuous term. The growing mandarin ministry was the highlight for me. Every time a member of the mandarin cell group chose to share, I found myself unable to keep from smiling. Both women and men’s group ministry are showing signs of unity consistency and I pray that this may continue in the fall term. The range of experiences and visions shared was amazing and it nearly startled me that in our large group setting, we were nearly able to experience the intimacy of a small group setting. These are good times. 2) GY’s recital On Saturday, GY held a piano recital at our local church. A few of the good ol’ gang came up (including Vince and Shuky). It was especially nice to see her sister again (an old friend from high school). Lots to catch up with everyone yet hardly enough time to do it. I even saw Lyds briefly (sorry I couldn’t talk… needed to study, doh). What struck me most about the recital was the power of music, specifically classical. I think I have been moving away from the classical genre and towards other forms of music such as jazz. I had a conversation with a brother after the recital and he shared that although the music was good, it greatly disturbed him in the beginning. There was a piece that was especially dark, and it conjured up many memories and emotions involving the death of another brother. Having a piece of music move you in such a powerful way is truly remarkable. I believe I have lost the ability to let myself be touched by this. Being brought up in a musical background, this brings a great sadness to my heart for I used to possess a passion for music that will allow me to be affected by this wonderful form of art. In spite of my lack of sentimental connection to music, I think I am slowly relearning about God’s blessings. Certainly music is one of the easiest forms of worship offered to our Lord. Hearing the intricate melodies of Back and Chopin, and I filled with a sense of awe at the sheer complexity of my God. These are precious times. 3) Life in DC Library Life during the time of finals is always one that I enjoy. I have developed a patterned to go study everyday at DC library. My daily morning schedule includes waking up at 7:30; get to the library by 8:00, and saving as many seats as possible. Although this time is most stressful, I think I am at my “best” during this time of suffering. I find that my spiritual life is raised to new heights. I develop a good sense of routine. I begin reevaluating my life goals. Life in DC is quite amusing actually. I usually see my fellow CCFers 24/7 and we always end up finding time to talk and to pray. I believe that during times of crisis, the true person will come out. I personally experienced a time of crisis on Sunday when I found out Saturday night that my algebra final was on Monday instead of Friday. Being the time of person that I am, I felt that this was really no big deal. This attitude probably stems from a combination of indifference, laziness, and trust in the Lord (I am hard to rid myself of the first two… so hard). On Sunday, I took in upon myself to make up for my mistake of misinterpreting the exam date. Again, through this newfound hardship, I saw God’s love revealed in the form of a sister who willingly gave up her time to help me with my studies. I love DC during finals; I think it brings people closer together. These are encouraging times. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:4-9 Tune in tomorrow for more relaxing words through cyberspace.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/30/2002 11:40:00 AM

Wednesday, July 24, 2002

Every Monday you will have a practice quiz! Every Wednesday you will have a real quiz! Every Friday you will have an exam! And any time I FEEL like it you will have a surprise quiz or exam!

- Mrs. Madigan, D3: The Mighty Ducks

I'm done! Yes, I'm finished all my quizzes, assignments, and midterms. Now I only have to worry about my Finals... man, you have to wonder why you have midterms, assignments, and quizzes slotted the week before exam week. Well, I think I'm beginning to cultivate study habits. I can't even say "good study habits"... but I am in the process of discovering the strengths of time management and being a steward of what God has given me. Since most of my time is spent in the library, I haven't had time to blog much. I literally go home, check mail, and sleep. Many things have been on my mind lately: Preparation of NSR, stewardship (especially in regards to money), sensitivity, reconciliation, and of course, relationships. I will definitely post later (offering slightly amusing anecdotes on occasion). Be excellent to each other. Party on, dude. - Bill and Ted Tune in tomorrow when we explore what crazy shenanigans CCFers will in DC library.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/24/2002 02:54:00 PM

Saturday, July 20, 2002

The key to this business is personal relationships.

-Dicky Fox, Jerry Maguire

Friday was the last bible study of the term for CCF. We were studying the story of Esther and how she demonstrated courage (the ongoing theme of this spring term). I must admit, both in surprise and in confession that I have found a renewed interest in studying the scriptures because of what happened that night. Let me explain. I think being the person that I am, I have allowed myself to slowly get stuck in the groove of lukewarm Christianity. I have allowed my mind to be occupied by thoughts of the fall term, schoolwork, movies, anything and everything else that comes across my fancy. Not to say that all these things are wrong, however, I have lost sight of my priorities… namely God. During the bible study, I probably had look of amusement etched into a smirk-like grin. Being surrounded by new Christians hungry for understanding and application of the Word of God was wonderful. It’s sad but I have let this very hunger for the Word to become foreign to me. I pray that this attitude will not redevelop again. Hopefully I can ask my brothers in CCF, and across the blog world to hold me accountable to this promise. To think that my baptismal testimony was based on Revelation 3:15-16… ”I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth”. I pray that I can put my fear in God so that I may find the courage to become on fire for Him. The night doesn’t end after CCF, for the time spent afterwards is ALWAYS a great time of additional fellowship. Again, I found myself in a conversation involving the effectiveness of bible study. Seeing firsthand how great bible study can help my own convictions, I very much expressed my own worries/doubts about future bible studies involving new froshies, unbelievers, and even stagnant Christians. Perhaps, I suggested, the key to an effective bible study is in the presentation. Not only must we have a sound understanding of theology, a discerning spirit in application… but do we not need to have sensitivity in the communication of the gospel? Does that not include proper methodology in conveying the message? In my fear of losing the uninterested, the new believer, the seeker, my rational has resorted to making bible study more appealing to everyone. By any means necessary… as long as people are captivated by the Word, then the end justifies the means. My attitude probably stemmed from a counter argument against those who believe that bible study is sufficient with solely the Word. Many people are steadfast in the belief that presentation is but decorative embellishment of the Word. It makes me sad that I was so stuck in my own argument that I failed to see the true nature of the bible study. Although I believe that the Word has power to shake the souls of its readers, I also believe that the bible study leaders have an obligation in the presentation of the Word. I thought the fault of dullness was due to ineffective communication skills, I now understand that the unproductiveness is due to lack of personal application. If I cannot personally relate to a bible passage, how I can find the proper attitude to convey the same passage to my fellow peers? If the passage does not speak to me, how can I possibly lead my brothers and sisters in a discussion? Perhaps that was my initial intent in questioning the legitimacy of sole reliance on the Word. I believed there was something more that is needed… but it wasn’t in the stylistic techniques of bible study. We should desire dependence on the Word and in our faith in Christ. It is because of this personal relationship with my Lord that I can find renewed comfort and joy in reading His Word. Looking at the movie Jerry Maguire, the titled character had a revelation to change the focus of his professional career. He redeveloped the disposition of good relational bonds with his client. It changed his whole life and he found new joys in life and in love. I think about how I can apply that attitude in my bible studies, in my fellowship, in my very own life. I just hope that I can maintain this outlook in my private thoughts. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Tune in tomorrow when we dance the can-can.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/20/2002 04:51:00 AM

Thursday, July 18, 2002

The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it?

- Leonard Shelby, Memento

I’m beginning to actively remember my dreams again. I never used to evoke thoughts pertaining to the nightly tales that dominate my mind. At most, I can barely recall the general directions of my dreams. I can classify my dreams into three main categories. First, the megalomaniac dreams. In these instances, I am usually a person out to conquer the world. Be it through super powered abilities or my razor sharp relational/manipulative skills… I am THE MAN. Haha. Secondly, there are bound to be dreams of flight. The power to lift oneself from the grasp of gravity has been ingrained in my mind ever since I was a little kid. Being brought up by the likes of Peter Pan, Mary Poppins, and Dumbo (yes, my childhood was filled with Disney propaganda) I have definitely developed an early desire to fly. Lastly, there is the manhunt dream. The game of manhunt is an evolution of tag. All the people who are tagged will become part of the “it” group until there is one person left. In this dream, I usually find myself running away from all friends and family in an attempt to save my own life. The very touch of a loved one will render me a diseased member in a Borg-like collective. Looking back at these dreams, I am very much bewildered at the unconscious mind. I can become very Freudian and psychoanalyze my dreams and interpret the various phallic symbolism, however, I think there is an overall spiritual understanding that can be seen in these nightly automatic private thoughts. Maybe there is a part of me that truly wishes to have total control over other people. Perhaps in my dreams, these longings are actually able to fully manifest themselves. I also have great desires to be carefree. Again, this can be traced to my craving for the power of flight. Yet again, looking at my last type of dream, I find myself wondering about my personal vision of a loving, relational fellowship. Are my fears in my inabilities to fulfill this vision being revealed in these nightmare-like reveries? I truly don’t know. Although I always enjoy a little time of self-examination, these are certainly questions best left to philosophers and psychiatrists. In reviewing my dreams, my self-doubts, my fears, and my visions, I can only conclude that I must base all desires, aspirations, and beliefs in Christ first. My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name. Edward Mote I hope I can continue to rely and trust in Jesus’ Name. Lest be swept away by a mere dream. Tune in tomorrow when we discuss phallic symbolism in society.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/18/2002 08:33:00 PM

Saturday, July 13, 2002

Who's cuisine reigns surpreme? It's been a while since I blogged. The week's been rather hectic with NSR, tests, and other things that occupy one's time. Since my brain is pretty much emptied of all the lessons learned during the week, I can only share about the fun time I had last night. On saturday, the men's and women's cell groups decided to have a friendly iron chef competition. The secret ingredient was revealed and it was.... chicken. The two groups scrambled frantically to come up with a dinner plan. There was allowed only one grocery run per team and both teams must utilize the same ingredients. Women's cell prepare a beautifully decorated set of 4 dishes. First, we started off with honey glazed shish-ka-bobs. The chicken was grilled slowly in order to allow for tenderness. The second dish was spanish wild rice with chicken stuffed in peppers. The wild rice allows the average china man a new taste involving rice. Combining that with the freshness of the peppers, this dish was truly unique. The next dish was stuffed breaded chicken. The final dish was a lemon infused pasta dish. The lemon provided some much needed coolness in the summer heat. The Men's cell countered with 4 dishes. The first dish was a nice chicken-broccoli pastry dish. The dough was finely made (the secret ingredient was alcohol! haha).The chicken salad served as the second dish. The salad dressing was very fresh and added to the general coolness of the salad. Third, we were presented with breaded chicken. The accompanying sauce help bring out the tenderness of the chicken. The last dish was chicken with a angelhair pasta. The pasta was extremely fine, allowing for the vegetables and sauce to absorb into it. All said and done, both groups had a fun time creating the dishes. Although I forgot the actual categories, the girls took 3 out of the 5 (health being a category... like we expect guys to eat healthy... haha). In any case, we had a wonderful feast that night. I think I was offered a glimpse into early Christianity that night. When the church first began, the believers did everything together... fellowship, prayer... and they broke bread together. Food is definitely a legitimate ministry and I can see how the breaking of bread can increase the intimacy between people. Hopefully there will be more Iron-Chef-like opportunities in the future. Tune in tomorrow to get original chicken recipes from the men's cell group.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/13/2002 10:27:00 PM

Tuesday, July 09, 2002

I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Extremely busy week. Some good stuff, some bad stuff... some stuff you just messed up. Blog more later.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/09/2002 07:51:00 PM

Friday, July 05, 2002

I'm depressed, Linus. I need an encouraging word to cheer me up.

- Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Come Home

Growing up, my brother and I had a huge collection of PEANUTS and Family Circus comics. Even now at my house in TO, we have a few lying around that is aptly titled "bathroom reading material". It's funny thinking about the past and how I've really taken to both comics. On one hand, Family Circus was always a nice comic full of warmth and subtlety. The PEANUTS comics were of a different approach to wit. I would almost describe it as having an older sense of humour. Yet, despite the aged funniness of the comic, I really related to the comic’s main character: Charlie Brown. He’s a very normal kid (besides the fact that he’s bald and wears a yellow/black shirt that makes him look like a bumblebee) and he seems to be have a very sound mind. Yet this boy always gets thrown into situations where the world seems to go against him. He gets all depressed and he’s not afraid of showing his grief because it has been a natural part of his character. I think I enjoyed the PEANUTS comics because I felt I could relate to Charlie Brown. Whenever I felt a little depressed, or felt like the world was out to get me, I found solace in the pages of a comic book. Now that I’m a little older, I can still pick up the PEANUTS comic book and catch up with my old friend. I guess I’m not ready to let go of a friend who’s always been there for me. THE LOSER The late Earl Nightingale, writer and publisher of inspirational and motivational material, once told a story about a boy named Sparky. For Sparky, school was all but impossible. He failed every subject in the eighth grade. He flunked physics in high school, getting a grade of zero. Sparky also flunked Latin, algebra, and English. He didn't do much better in sports. Although he did manage to make the school's golf team, he promptly lost the only important match of the season. There was a consolation match; he lost that too. Throughout his youth, Sparky was awkward, socially. He was not actually disliked by the other students; no one cared that much. He was astonished if a classmate ever said hello to him outside of school hours. There's no way to tell how he might have done at dating. Sparky never once asked a girl to go out in high school. He was too afraid of being turned down. Sparky was a loser. He, his classmates...everyone knew it. So he rolled with it. Sparky had made up his mind early in life that if things were meant to work out they would. Otherwise, he would content himself with what appeared to be his inevitable mediocrity. However, one thing was important to Sparky -- drawing. He was proud of his artwork. Of course, no one else appreciated it. In his senior year of high school, he submitted some cartoons to the editors of the yearbook. The cartoons were turned down. Despite this particular rejection, Sparky was so convinced of his ability that he decided to become a professional artist. After completing high school, he wrote a letter to Walt Disney Studios. He was told to send some samples of his artwork, and the subject for a cartoon was suggested. Sparky drew the proposed cartoon. He spent a great deal of time on it and on all the other drawings he submitted. Finally, the reply came from Disney Studios. He had been rejected once again. Another loss for the loser. So Sparky decided to write his own autobiography in cartoons. He described his childhood self -- a little boy loser and chronic underachiever. The cartoon character would soon become famous worldwide. For Sparky, the boy who had such lack of success in school and whose work was rejected again and again, was Charles Schulz. He created the "Peanuts" comic strip and the little cartoon character whose kite would never fly and who never succeeded in kicking a football -- Charlie Brown. Tune in tomorrow when we all learn how to say Good Grief.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/05/2002 02:34:00 PM

Wednesday, July 03, 2002

So we go through life telling our Dad-stories. They dominate our private thoughts.

- Gordon MacDonald, When Men Think Private Thoughts

My private thoughts once again turn towards the finality of death. To my friends in mourning: I know that he was a good man… because he has raised such a wonderful family. I know that he is in heaven… and he’ll continue to support you throughout the rest of your lives. I can only offer this story about Chuck Swindoll and his own father’s death. I pray that you can feel God's love in this time of grief. My Dad and His Death My dad died last night. He left like he had lived. Quietly. Graciously. With dignity. Without demands or harsh words or even a frown, he surrendered himself - a tired, frail, humble gentleman – into the waiting arms of his Savior. Death, selfish and cursed enemy of man, won another battle. As I stroke the hair from his forehead and kissed him goodbye, a hundred boyhood memories played around in my head. - When I learned to ride a bike, he was there. - When I wrestled with the multiplication table, his quick wit erased the hassle. - When I discovered the adventure of driving a car, he was near, encouraging me. - When I got my first job, he informed me how to increase my subscriptions and win the prize. It worked! - When I mentioned a young woman I had fallen in love with, he pulled me aside and talked straight about being responsible for her welfare and happiness. - When I did a hitch in the Marines, the discipline I had learned from him made the transition easier. From him I learned to seine for shrimp. How to catch flounder and trout and redfish. How to open oyster shells and fix crab gumbo… and chili… and popcorn… and make rafts out of old inner tubes and gunnysacks. I was continually amazed at his ability to do things like tie fragile mantles on the old Coleman lantern, keep a fire going in the rain, play the harmonica with his hands behind his back, and keep three strong-willed kids from tearing the house down. Last night I realized I had him to thank for my deep love for America. And for knowing how to tenderly care for my wife. And for laughing at impossibilities. And for some of the habits I have picked up, like approaching people with a positive spirit rather than a negative one, staying with a task until it is finished, taking good care of my personal belongings, keeping my shoes shines, speaking up rather than mumbling, respecting authority, and standing alone in support of my personal convictions rather than giving in to more popular opinions. For these things I am deeply indebted to the man who raised me. Certain smells and sounds now instantly remind me of my dad. Oyster stew. The ocean breeze. Smoke from an expensive cigar. The nostalgic whine of a harmonica. A camping lantern and white gas. Car polish. Fun songs from the ‘30s and ‘40s. Freshly mowed grass. A shrill whistle from a father to his kids around suppertime. And Old Spice aftershave. Because a father impacts his family so permanently, I think I understand better than ever what Scripture means when Paul wrote: Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us… just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory (1 Thessalonians 2:8, 11-12) Admittedly, much of my dad’s instruction was indirect- by model rather than by explicit statement. I do not recall his overt declarations of love as clearly as I do his demonstrations of it. His life revolved around my mother, the darling and delight of his life. Of that I am sure. When she left over nine years ago, something of him died as well. And so – to her he has been joined and they are, together, with our Lord. In the closest possible companionship one can imagine. In this my sister, my brother, and I find our greatest comfort – they are now forever with the Lord – eternally freed from pain and aging and death. Secure in Jesus Christ our Lord. Absent from the body and at home with Him. And with each other. Last night I said good-bye. I’m still trying to believe it. You’d think it would be easy since his illness had persisted for more than 3 years. How well I remember the Sunday he suffered that first in a series of strokes as I was preaching. God granted him several more years to teach many of us to appreciate the things we tend to take for granted. He leaves in his legacy a well-marked Bible I treasure, a series of feelings that I need to deepen my roots, and a thousand memories that comfort me as I replace denial with acceptance and praise. I await heaven’s gate opening in the not-too-distant future. So do other Christians, who anxiously await Christ’s return. Most of them anticipate hearing the soft strum of a harp or the sharp, staccato blast of a trumpet. Not me. I will hear the nostalgic whine of a harmonica… held in the hands of the man who died last night… or did he? The memories are as fresh as this morning’s sunrise.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/03/2002 06:36:00 PM

Tuesday, July 02, 2002

I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.

- Eric Liddell, Chariots Of Fire

The long weekend is over and once again I find myself back in school. One can never fully describe that transition period between leaving your old home and going into your new home. The best word that I can use to describe my state is mind is unrest. I think in some grand, ultimate design, it’s a hint as to why I feel so deadened to the world sometimes. Much like what Andrew expressed in his blog concerning fitting in Seattle. Since my rightful, eternal home is in heaven with God, I am never truly at peace in this mortal world…. Just something to think about. I look back at the weekend and I wonder where all the time was spent. I missed the opportunity to catch up with some old friends (I didn’t go camping with them down in NY state) because I had to attend a friend’s funeral. In light of the most recent events in my life, I believed the weekend was a great time for me to regain some much needed quiet time. Yet, again, I came across one of the bigger problems in my life… the problem of pleasure. Most people, christian and non-christian would profess difficulties with the problem of pain. Christians especially find the area of pain so fascinating. Why would a God allow for such a thing? Why won’t He prevent pain from happening in the future? I have found peace in this subject… and although I cannot articulate my points as well as I hoped, I am rather confident that my views are biblical and godly. For God did not wish pain upon us his children. It is in sin that pain first took us by the throat and began choking humanity in a vise-like grip. Even now, I find that I cannot really let go of this topic. For many people, the question of pain is the one puzzle that prevents them from believing. Now, addressing the problem of pleasure is a tad easier. Although this question is hardly posed at all, it is the flip side to the previous question involving pain. Where did pleasure come from? Why is eating fun? Why is sex fun? Why is it that I constantly seek pleasure… instant pleasure… and it is through the pleasuring of myself that I feel the most shame. Pleasure is at the same time a great good and a serious danger. ”If we start chasing pleasure as an end in itself, along the way we may lose sight of the One who gave us such good gifts as sexual drive, taste buds, and the capacity to appreciate beauty.”

- Philip Yancey

The following is an excerpt from the book Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton. It describes his own Christian conversion due to the problem of pleasure. I felt in my bones, first that this world does not explain itself… Second, I came to feel as if magic must have a meaning, and meaning must have some one to mean it. There was something personal in the world, as in a work of art… Third, I thought this purpose beautiful in its old design, in spite of its defects, such as dragons. Fourth, that the proper form of thanks to it is some form of humility and restraint: we should thank God for beer and Burgundy by not drinking too much of them… And last, and strangest, there had come into my mind a vague and vast impression that in some way all good was a remnant to be stored and held sacred out of some primordial ruin. Man had saved his good as Robinson Crusoe saved his goods: he had saved them from a wreck. All this I felt and the age gave me no encouragement to feel it. And all this time I not even thought of Christian theology. So why is sex fun? Why is food fun? What is the origin of pleasure? I cannot find an appropriate answer that does not include God. Tune in tomorrow for more simulated flavouring in Lays potato chips.


Yu-Ling posted at 7/02/2002 07:50:00 PM