It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!
- Romans 8:11, MSG
TC work has begun. CC is around the corner. TCBC leadership is kicking up. RCCF is crawling along. Tyndale stuff seems everlasting.
God I need to stop and breathe.
| Breathe in love | Breathe out hate |
| Breathe in life | Breathe out death |
| Breathe in peace | Breathe out anxiety |
| Breathe in gentleness | Breathe out tension |
The Bible isn't so important because it happened at some moment in history. The Bible is a big deal because it's happening now. In every moment. Every day, I am Cain, discouraged by the way someone else - some Abel - gets credit and attention for doing the same thing I did.
- Douglas Rushkoff
Some people have asked me if I was doing well lately. Many people assumed that I have been feeling down (as if that's uncharacteristic of me). And really, I have one reponse:
thx for asking.
Prof Sherbino from my Spiritual Formation class told us that as Christian 'leaders', people assume that you naturally got it all together. And so you begin to develop a protective shield around you - a shield made out of indifference, rationalization, pride, and ultimately loneliness. Cuz, when you are labelled a 'leader', people start to believe that you have no more problems, that you don't struggle, that everything is no sweat off your back. You're solid, you're gold, you don't need the sweet naggings of people offering to care for you.
But that's not the case for leaders, and def not the case for me. So no, I'm not in a funk, but like everyone else I have my messed-up-ness, and I wanted to share some of that in my blog as a reminder of what I was feeling/thinking at that moment in my life.
So again, thx for asking.
If I brush away your concern and say life's all good, then more likely then not, I'm just putting up a front. How complicated - what fools we mortals be ;).
Anyways before getting into a bit about a continuing hobby of mine, go check out this video about the emerging church: ABC Special on Emerging Churches.
Of course they interviewed Brian McLaren and he put it quite simply in one part of the interview. That the false choice between 'conservative' and 'liberal' christianity has caused some to find a new way to be authentically Christian. I see this false choice in the way we standardize our ministries, our way of life, etc. BUT, increasingly this culture is good at embracing two seemingly conflicting reactions while maintaining a better ideal. I hope that I will be able to demonstrate this new way of living out a life as a Christ follower.
Bah, enough of that, just check out the video. If you want some potential books about this stuff, I have TONS of suggestions.
I think I have many artistic sensibilities. I used to take art lessons (I was pretty good too... but didn't maintain it :P), had violin/piano lessons, brought up on classical music, performed in symphonies, watched a variety of movies, enjoyed many novels, and admired paintings and scultures (surprisingly I have a lot of fine art books at home).
If I were to list my taste in music, fine art, and cinema... I'm sure I would have quite the eclectic group of artistic items.
Yet, I honestly believe that the most creative form of art would be found in COMICS.
Yes, I still actively read comics and I'm continually surprised by the creative imagination of the comicbook writers/artists.
Without making this into a humanities' essay critiquing the art form of comics, I'll give one example of how interesting comics can be.
My quote is taken from this guy Douglas Rushkoff who is a media theorist. He writes books and articles about the implications of current technology on culture. This is his first venture in the world of comicbook writing, and he starts off with writing a new comic called Testament.
In this comic, Rushkoff bounces between two worlds: one is a depiction of a world where the possibility of freedom is being taken away through techonology and other things. The other world is from the bible, following the story of Abraham.
Check out the interview that Rushkoff had with newsarama: here
Although I don't completely agree with how he interprets certain passages (but, it is fascinating how he DOES interpret them), I find myself drawn to his greater conclusion... that the Bible isn't so important because it happened at some moment in history. The Bible is a big deal because it's happening now. In every moment.
I haven't completely wrapped my mind around this idea, but, it makes more sense to me then how many Christians treat the Bible like a history book that enforces a certain type of moralism as defined and interpreted by our mainline evangelical culture.
Again, I don't think this is an either/or situation like the conservative/liberal debate but rather a and/with conclusion. I just feel like we've been missing this active-living component from the Bible that seems to be so strong in the way that Rushkoff's shaping his comicbook.
More of this rant later. If you want to talk about more comicbook geekiness, let me know.
Funniest line of the day: "I can't help but think if any of these people actually read the Bible, they'd rise up against their ministers and smite them on the spot."
Tune in again for more complicated complaints from a china-man.
- Psalm 51:10 (MSG)
Today, during my weekly AFC meeting, Gabriel put this verse in our staff agenda.
I needed it.
I love the idea of beginning anew, having the Genesis week in my life right now is exactly what I crave. I desire for my creative juices to flow out of my very being. I like the sense of creation surrounding me - a creation spirituality that is focused on the original blessing of God (instead of original sin). I want to enjoy more fully the laugher, newness, joy, and love - all affirmations of the goodness of pleasure.
God, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
At the same time I don't know if I have enough courage to allow God to shape this identity into me. It is very unsafe to be able to give up your life in this way.
my whole life has been an experiement in finding safety.
emotionally i dwell too close to the bare bulb, on the edge of unexpected inferno, terrified of losing my privilege.
i drape my wounds around me like a blanket. they shelter me, give me an excuse to be hardened, to choose to disbelieve. the pain, the longing, the betrayal - these are the strands of my coverings. i weave them together to create a protection that, though it is made of unsafe things, provides a safety and a haven that keeps me secure. taken together, in their collective woundedness, they are strong.
i like them that way.
a god who wants my woundedness but not my covering - what kind of god is that?
a shivering god, a jealous god. 'give me yourself,' he says, 'trust me without these protections, trust me with your pure vulnerabilities.'
and I laugh.
'and what will you do with them?' i wonder, knowing all too well what this means.
the rage wells up within me, like fire.
'and what have you done? what have you saved me from? i have spent a lifetime yearning for you, aching, longing, desiring to be whole more than any other thing. i have brought as much as i could to your feet - passed them over, surrendered my will, and all i have received is silence. this much i have given, and would give more, but for a word, an acknowledgement, a sense of comfort. and yet there is still nothing.
'you ask me to be vulnerable, and i have been. you ask me to surrender, and i stand before you already empty-handed. you ask for my trust, and yet you have never earned it. how can i dare to believe you are good if my life has been filled with so much bad done in your name, if you cannot even respond to all that i have already sought, to answer that which i have already asked? i cannot trust what is untrustworthy.'
the anger fills me up with a sticky blackness, a tangible sludge inside me.
- renee altson, stumbling toward faith
Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud. Homer: But he's way the hell up there!
- the Simpsons
I just finished the first day of my new term at Tyndale. I'm excited (and fearful) about both my spiritual formation class as well as my urban ministry 2 class.
For spiritual formation, it's really going to stretch me and I'm not sure if my soul will recover from said stretch marks. I've never fully explored the spiritual disciplines, and I mentioned in a previous post that I can't deal with complete silence very well... and yet this class will be full of that. I'm going to begin the term by doing 15 min daily devos, then by the end of the term, I will be up to hourly devos. On top of that, I will have to set aside time to practice several spiritual disciplines and I'm especially anxious about silence/solitude. I think one of the reasons why I surround myself with busyness is that I don't want to deal with God in the complete loneliness of myself. Well, here's praying that I can work past this issue.
for my urban min 2 class, I will have to interview 15 people/agencies/or groups from my church's local neighborhood. I will then have to figure out what are the needs and how my church can potentially meet some of those needs. In any case, it's a good step towards this new-found missional attitude that I'm developing - less about programs, formulas, and inbred.self.service to the church, and more about meeting people, journeying with others, and incarnation.other.focused.
Ok, new term means new books... which means, I think I'll fulfill another 10 book challenge, AND THEN SOME!
BOOKS ON THE DESK
Don Postma - Space for God
This is a daily workbook that I will have to read for my Spiritual Formation class. Looks interesting. It includes TONS of reflection material including stories, poetry, art, and exercises to help with your contemplation. I'll be keeping a journal with my reflections from this book... so I will probably blog about some of my thots.
Dallas Willard - Spirit of the Disciplines
Of course Willard is a tough read, but he's great. I consider him one of the more scholarly voices for the emergent church, and he's coming to TO in MARCH!!! This is a classic christian book about spiritual disciplines. Plus, I got it cheap ;).
Henri Nouwen - Genessee Diary
I'm falling hard for Nouwen (in a he's-an-awesome-brother-kinda-way). This guy is a modern day contemplative and his reflections have helped so many people.
Richard Foster - Prayer
Another Christian Spirituality Guru. This book is Foster's take on the various prayers that is demonstrated throughout the bible. Anita says its an easy read... haha. We'll see if that's true.
Helmut Thielecke - A Little Exercise for Young Theologians
Never heard of this tiny book (~40 pages). But it's all about thinking critically, deeply, and theologically. Hopefully it's up my alley, but you never know.
Bradley Holt - Thirsty for God
A brief history of Christian Spirituality. I finished this book already! Nice little book with good exercises and recommended readings.
David Claerbaut - Urban Ministry in a New Millennium
According to Rick Tobias, a pretty good introduction to Urban Min. It's also a world vision resource so check it out.
John Proctor - Urban God
Proctor combs the Bible for stories about cities and finds that the Bible speaks well of urban life and how good it can be with God.
Andrew Davey - Urban Christianity and Global Order
This book talks about living in the pattern for Christian mission in a local and global sense. Lent to me by THE Anita, so I can't write in it :P.
Holladay - Concise Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon
For those of you who don't know what a LEXICON is... well basically it's a dictionary. And no, I won't be reading all of it, but will be using it A LOT for the next 2 years in hebrew grammar and exegesis.
BESIDE THE COMPUTER - IN PREP FOR CC
Since TC is practically upon us, that means CC is just around the corner. So... that means I will have to start doing some personal/ministry preparation for that. Oh yeah, just to let you know,
CC is on the May long weekend (May 19-22) and is an equipping conference geared to ALL university students.
The theme this year is Whatever you do... and the bible study is taken from the book of Colossians.
So here are the readings in prep for it.
Tom Wright - Paul for Everyone
Wright is an awesome theologian and another great voice for the postmodern/emergent church. This is part of his 'Gospel for Everyone' series.
Brian Walsh & Sylvia Keesmaat - Colossians Remixed
Imagine reading Colossians in context, both ancient and contemporary. Imagine Paul writing the letter of Colossians to you today and you'll get an idea of what this book is like.
Tony Jones - Soul Shaper
Jones is the head of EmergentUS and has written 2 books about spiritual and contemplative practices. This is the youth min version. Yeah yeah, so I'm using youth min stuff for university kids. Well, I used TC training for CC training last year (shhh, don't tell anyone).
Doug Pagitt - Preaching Re-Imagined
Increasingly, Christians are failing to communicate our Jesus.Gospel to others in a way that is beyond speaching. Another emergentYS book that I hope will help with any talk that I'll have to do at CC.
Mark Miller - Experiential Storytelling
I'm gonna re-read this one. It's a basic book that shows one author/pastor's way of communicating the Gospel in a future/ancient way. Again, very timely for CC.
BESIDE THE BED
Gregory Maguire - Wicked
Jon-C got this for me (for my quarterCentury.bday) cuz I blogged about being afraid of the Wicked Witch of the West as a kid. Well no more! I will know her better, and in doing so, will conquer my fear! (Also, it's supposedly a pretty good show)
Renee Altson - Stumbling toward Faith
This is a beautiful and disturbing narrative that will unsettle your understandings and assumptions of what it means to live as a believer in Christ. GO GET IT!
Tune in again as I try to get through this mountain pile of books.
oh god that is bigger than me. oh god that is bigger than daily devotionals, perfect answers and unholy pretending. i believe. i want to believe. be present in the depths
- renee altson, stumbling toward faith
quarterCentury old now.
Doesn't feel so different from quarterCentury.minus.one. At least I'm still halfway between twenty and thirty ;).
I had to go to work today and it was tough getting out of bed. Not because I was dreading the workload, or the TC Captain training. But rather, it was hard to immediately switch from holiday.time to work.time. Alvin@BCOQ called me to confirm some TC stuff and he commented that I sounded so dead on the phone. I totally agreed with him. I wonder if I sound/look this way every morning after I stay up really late?
So increasingly more and more people are pointing out my age and questioning what I will be doing with my life. Granted, a potential 1/3 of my life has gone by and the next (potential) 1/3 is supposed to be the 'prime' of my life.
I find myself thinking about so many different potential directions that my life can take. The many paths of the lifeMaze that we're confronted with everyday. It helps-doesn't.help that there are people giving advice at every fork of the road.
Son, you know I was married before I hit quarterCentury?
Another 3 years of school? What's the point?
You're gonna be a pastor... hmmmm?
How does faith.life.god.calling.study.family all work out?
There are a million other questions drowning my mind and very honestly it takes so much energy just to stay afloat.
but, thank God there are these times of daring.struggle.reflection.
So I will be actively working out the daring.struggling part for the next 3 years (while I'm still studying at tyndale), then right now is good for reflection.
A key part of my personality that I am confronting began with a question posed by my leadership professor. He told us that we will always do good things, but we're called to do our best. So here am I, thinking, that I have always done many good things, but has God used me to really do something I am uniquely created to do?
In thinking about my calling-life purpose, I'm also reading this book called Mission Mover by Thomas Bandy. I'll quote the following:
"A call only comes to people wildly desirous to be with Jesus in mission. If you are not widly desirous to be with Jesus in mission, what you are experiencing is not a call but a career move. You are evaluating all the job options that might fulfill your life, and are thinking that 'ministry' might be more fulfilling than 'medicine' or 'teaching' or something else. But if you are widly desirous to be with Jesus in mission, then you may experience a true 'call.' A call is an inexplicable desire to do something that is contrary to your natural inclination. It may be reckless. It may be distateful. It may be dangerous. Yet you cannot rest until you attempt it. That's a call."
Well, I don't know what's the best thing that I'm uniquely created to do. And I'm not sure if this current direction in life is such that I am wildly desirous to be with Jesus in my given context. But, I'm hopeful that I'm gonna work this out.
So now, given my reflection, I think I have articulated a little something. Without further a due, here are my personal value and vision statement. My 'ministry' statements come directly from these ones.
PERSONAL VALUES STATEMENT
I value anything and anyone that will help people grow a step closer in their relationship with God and with each other. I value authenticity and modeling, so I need to first demonstrate what I value by showing right character, motivation, sincerity, vulnerability, and transparency. I value sharing with others what I have learned in order to help others grow a step closer to God and with each other. I value the time, the effort, and the prayers needed to have this kind of lifestyle.
PERSONAL VISION STATEMENT
I am increasingly developing a loving relationship with God. I am encouraging others to grow by modeling maturing faith in a local community. I am developing deep fellowship with God by knowing more of Him through reading scripture, practicing spiritual disciplines, and exercising His power in the world. I am developing deep fellowship with others through caring and living authentically with them.
I am hopeful that within the next 3 years, I can begin to fully actualize my personal vision. In the meantime, I want to invite you to join me on this lifeJOURNEY.
Tune in again as I work out more of my salvation with fear.and.trembling.
God grant me the grace to accept with serenity the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace, taking as you did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that you will make all things right, if I surrender to your will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Year End Review:
Congrats to Ray/Deb and Andrew/Bonnie. I pray that you will continue to laugh-love-persevere-cry-argue-live as the couples that God has intended you to be.
Last year has been good for reflection... and I'll leave it at that.
For my family/friends/blogstalkers, I leave this song to think about. I think it's a good end for 2005 and a good beginning for 2006. I hope it may be a prayer and a blessing to you all.
CURRENTLY READING
[x] Space for God[x] Spirit of the Disciplines
[x] Genesee Diary
[x] Prayer
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x] Colossians Remixed
[x] Soul Shaper
[x] Preaching Re-Imagined
[x] Experiential Storytelling
[x]
[x] READING WISHLIST
RECOMMENDED READINGS
|y| A Generous Orthodoxy|y| A New Kind of Christian
|y| Chronicles of Narnia
|y| Divine Conspiracy
|y| Emerging Church
|y| God in the Alley
|y| How to read the Bible
|y| In His Steps
|y| In the Name of Jesus
|y| Jesus I never knew
|y| Out of the Question
|y| Planet Simpson
|y| Renewing the City
|y| Stumbling towards Faith
|y| Theology as Big as City
|y| Velvet Elvis
LINKS
[x] TCBC Leadership Class
[x] atom.XML
[x] mattmark
[x] spumoni
[x] wongoz
[x] yomi
[x] ling ling #1
[x] smilz
[x] dragonX
[x] supa
[x] jedi master
[x] BUN in HK
[x] Arymis
[x] jon-c
[x] shubox
[x] TKo
[x] gee..why?
[x] jasy
[x] jCool
[x] ching
[x] ajma
[x] rani
[x] tux
[x] lon
[x] erics
[x] sillypearly
[x] kureyzi
[x] paistes
[x] the conversation
[x] tlims
[x] lil
[x] jt
[x] mike
[x] LCLO
[x] pam
[x] marianne
[x] raph
[x] Uncle Simon
[x] davin
[x] frank
[x] Alex 1.0
[x] Justin
[x] Princess #2
[x] Princess #3
[x] lil'O
[x] the FOOs
[x] Waiki
[x] Vaness
[x] theGenuineCandy
[x] godSIS
[x] jeffChan
[x] AFC-GChan
[x] Nate
[x] Jas
[x] ms.Deb.Lau
[x] mr.T
[x] joycie
[x] almond
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