Thursday, December 30, 2004

Girl you look so good, I would marry your brother just to get in your family.

- Will, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Sometimes, I think that blood will tell all. I mean, whenever we enter into a discussion about character formation, and we talk about nurture versus nature, upbringing versus DNA, etc. – I just feel that sometimes your genes will come through in the end. Certainly this is a sweeping generalization about all people, however, I think based on my own experiences with my family and friends, it seems that family does play a huge part in shaping our identities. It can be argued that if you were consistently raised by your family, then your personality will be doubly fashioned by this nurture/nature combo of your relatives. I know it doesn’t make sense logically, and this is an over-simplified interpretation of family functionality. Yet, as I experienced family life over the winter break, I can understand how I carry within me the struggles of my family. You know, I’ve had discussions with other ethnic people and they don’t seem to think Asian people have family dysfunctions. When I was working at AGF, my boss commented that most white folk would stick their parents in a senior home – whereas, most Asian people would want to have their elders living with them at home. I am very proud about this aspect of my cultural upbringing, and it shames me that because of language/social barriers, I do not communicate very well with my own grandparents. Yet again, due to the Asian understanding, just being in the same house, having mutual respect for one another seems to be enough. It seems that with a simple gesture such as greeting one another, one can convey a great sense of belonging for the other person (still, I fail to do this most of the time). Or the acknowledgement and understanding of your role within your family will also serve as an indication of love. My Chinese-Christian upbringing is filled with so many of these little samples of respectful love. My family’s language of love is one where words and physical touch is not necessarily the most important things, but it’s the attitude behind it that is surely more greatly appreciated. And when there is a gentle hug or kiss, it is all the more delightful. Maybe that’s why I’m so guarded about words and touch. As much as I want to analyze and deconstruct my family systems, I think this will only be beneficial on an intellectual level. And when it comes to family, you might as well check your brains at the door. I liken it to studying theology – very helpful, but if you don’t have the relationship, you might as well be studying some dry material for a university course. Anyways, enough of this streams of consciousness stuff. I have story to share so here you go. On Christmas day, my family gathered together at my house for dinner. It seemed like the typical setting – my brother and I waking up late in the afternoon (I think 2 or 3pm), my parents getting frustrated because we weren’t helping enough (since we’re not even awake yet), sheer food madness in trying to feed 25 people, kids eating at the separate table, etc. Then, instead of the usual giving of presents to each other – my cousin Alice wanted the family to have a time of worship and share thanksgiving items. I don’t think my family has ever done this before. It was awesome because my maternal grandmother was even able to sing along with us. Her memory is diminishing, yet because we sang her favourite song: ‘What a friend we have in Jesus’, she was able to remember the song and sing with us. The main part of the evening consisted of the sharing. This was wonderful as I have never witnessed my family sharing on this level as a community. Of course my family has lovingly supported each other throughout their lives together, yet I would describe our family life as respectfully distinct. Sure there are no grave problems, yet there doesn’t seem to be closeness. And this longing for closeness seems wanting in all the members of my family, yet no one seems to be able to sacrifice for the sake of intimacy. Through the sharing, I think some miscommunications were revealed. Some past pains were beginning to be forgiven, secret struggles were being shared, and I saw a glimpse of what biblical community can really be like. I know I’m not the best son, or the best brother. I seem to judge Christians for their lack of effort while I myself mainly cruise on my own sub-standards. I don’t display empathy or mercy and most of the time I don’t talk in groups because the conversation seems beneath me. I guess that one night of Christmas has pointed to me, demanding that I repent and ask for forgiveness from others – especially my family. This Christmas was definitely a spiritual marker leading into 2005. I pray it will set the tone for the new year. I think God just set the bar, and boy is it high. Please pray for me, that I’ll be vigilant in living out my theology and that I have to courage to develop it when it’s missing the mark.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/30/2004 01:49:00 PM

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun.

- Santa, The Nightmare before Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancee, who was pregnant. While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel. There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger." At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises: Glory to God in the heavenly heights, Peace to all men and women on earth who please him. As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed. Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told! When the eighth day arrived, the day of circumcision, the child was named Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/25/2004 05:31:00 PM

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the things you know and hello to the things you don't.

- Boon Hoggenbeck, The Reivers

It seems that every christmas season, I always experience a customary ritual of developing dichotomous moods/feelings. I don't know why this is the case, but it seems to happen anytime there are big events surrounding my life. Snapshot #1 In the middle of a big party filled with joyous celebration and lots of laughter, I find myself always needing some quiet time. This could mean anything from taking a few minutes alone to myself, or physically removing myself from everyone's presence for an extended period of time in order to have some time of contemplation. I was at Mike's party last night, and it was great to see so many old friends. In spite of the wonderfully typical goofyness, I needed to remove myself from the giddyness for just a sec, and began to stare out the window. This took place for probably less than a minute, but I think it helped to elevate my soul. Don't know how, don't know why, but there was definitely a sense of appreciation and thankfulness that came out of one long gaze at the neighborhood. I wish I could have and remember more of these moments. Snapshot #2 Usually every christmas eve, my church would have an evening service to celebrate the birth of Jesus. It's one of the rare occasions where all 3 congregations (eng, canto, mando) would get together for one service. Because my church is in downtown, we're used to the hustle and bustle of TO and I think it's reflected in our services. In a cry for efficiency's sake, we demand that the service be seemless - moreso because we have to deal with translation and it takes up so much more time. Yet for this one night, if you were to walk around dt TO, you'll see the streets are practically empty. All the stores are closed except for the occasional eatery or corner store. Just walking along Queen st. for that one day, it feels like the world has slowed down and everyone is home with their close friends/families. Thank God for the church, in spite of its inefficiencies. I wish that the church can have and remember more of these moments. Snapshot #3 Because my maternal grandmother lives in TO, a lot of my family flies/drives/trains into the city and we have one massive family gathering over the winter break. This year is especially large, and I get to say hello to my cousins from HK and US (haven't seen some of them in a while). My aunt and her husband have brought extended family so I get to meet them for the first time as well. And again, meeting up with many CCFers was great - even if it was just to say 'hi, how's it going'. I know that even the most casual greeting is filled with many good memories. There's a history there, and I love how I can tell stories about each and every single person whom I would but casually say 'hi' to at a big party. During this time, there's also been a lot of goodbyes, or maybe it's more appropriate to say "See you later". Joe's going to Calgary, Frank's going to Cali, Drew's going to HK, and Cindy's gone to be with our Lord. Friends who have all impacted me in one way or another - and I'm sure I'll see them again, later. I guess it's awkward now, actually, I feel downright empty sometimes. But I know this change is only temporal, only temporary - and I have so much to look forward to as I continue to live my life. A life of HI's and GOODBYE's - I guess I can look forward to having and remember these moments as well.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/23/2004 10:13:00 AM

Friday, December 17, 2004

And at times the gap between the god we want and the God who wants us is vast beyond bridging.

- Mark Buchanan, Your God Is Too Safe

Yesterday, I had a lunch date with my mom. We rarely do this anymore so when we do, the conversation usually turns to relationships. Specifically, the fact that I lack any significant developments in this area. Not this time! We spoke about a few things that I've been kicking around in my head that I hadn't clearly articulated (and really, I still can't). The conversation started as my mom brought up that an old family friend asked whether I was too comfortable in AFC, in my various ministry involvements, in TO, in my life. I think I was a little ticked off when she asked me - partly because I've worked through these issues in my discussions with other people, and partly because I don't think I have yet to have a good answer. I know for many people that to venture in the realm of ministry as vocation is a huge struggle that can result in great sacrifice. For me, my fear was always that it came too easy. As if to go into some form of vocational ministry was a cop-out. To make matters worst, I was afraid that many people would see my decision as such. Yet despite these fears - through studying, praying and conversing with others, I chose my current way of life through a developing sense of discernment. I have yet to verify with people whether they think this has been the proper path for me - maybe I should do that. Still, I think I am a part of God's work and I believe that student ministry is key in christian work - but the question still remains, am I too comfortable? So my thought process became something like the following as I tried to explain to my mom: is it wrong to be comfortable in the work that God is clearly doing? My comfort lies in the familiarity of the environment and the type of work, but the problems that I deal with is not easy and most people will shy away from it (most univ staff workers don't last past 2-5 years). Does God really demand that I always have to have a sense of suffering or difficulty in my ministry in order for it to be legit? What about my own ministry makes people feel uncomfortable? Is it the legitimacy of student work, of my own abilities? Is my view of God's ministry limited to my personal work? Or does God's work make sense to me in light of my personal ministry? I understood the concern of my mom and the uncle who pointed out this comfort problem. I'm fully aware of my own tendency towards stagnancy and I know this is my continual struggle in my spiritual journey. So in many ways, I'm still questioning whether my choices to remain within univ ministry, to stay in TO, to stay within TCBC.. is all mainly a result of my own sin of laziness. I know it creeps into many of decisions, but to what extent and at what cost? It makes things even more difficult when I hear about the fruits of the labour in US or regent college. Or I see the developing dialogue between christian workers, or churches demonstrated social concern, or people just willing to change their traditional ways of thinking... man, it would be great if I could only go OUT THERE and be trained for a few years. Perhaps this is why again and again, I wrote in my EG workbook that I need to actively study and pray, study and pray, study and pray, study and pray. How successful have I been? Up and down. Consistency... argh. I need to surround myself with some 'put up or shut up' type of people. Tune in again for more rambling rhetoric.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/17/2004 03:45:00 PM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Farewell... my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say, do not weep... not all tears are an evil.

- Gandalf, LOTR: The Return of the King

Oh my… I just finished watching the extended edition of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. It feels like the end of an era, in fact, I believe it IS the end of an era. This film will probably to me and ‘my generation’, what Star Wars was for the people in the 70s/80s. This final adaptation of Tolkien’s famous trilogy spans 251 minutes. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MINUTES. My goodness that’s a long movie – it took up half of my day, but well worth it. The extended edition has nearly one hour of extra/extended footage. Although some of the pacing has been messed up, for the true fans of the movies/books, it really helps to flush things out. In spite of the great length of the movie (supposedly Jack Nicholson walked out of the movie 30 mins earlier cause he thought it ended – “too many endings”, he says), and the overly corny and suggestive portrayal of ‘intimate’ male friendships, I loved the movie and even got teary eyed towards the end (it’s the music, I swear). After watching the documentaries about the making of the movie and seeing the depth of fellowship amongst all who worked on the film, I have an even greater respect for the creators of this movie. In the documentaries, I found out that these LOTR people are utterly insane. They literally finished editing the film at the very last minute. They were still filming some sections of the movie a few weeks before they had to release into theatres. Jackson okayed the final edit of the movie less than a week before opening and he didn’t see the film in it’s entire version until the grand premiere. Crazy. Also, the sheer scope of this movie totally dwarfed the other two. ROTK had more effect shots than the first two LOTR movies combined. The music, sound effects, modeling, and CGI team had to edit and create new scenes ON THE FLY because Jackson hadn’t finished the final cut of the movie on time and had to edit while his teams created various things to support his idea. To give you a little picture about the sheer insanity involved with this type of process, look for the huge battle with the elephants. Imagine that Jackson would have a prelim of what he wants in a rough CGI format. Then the Comp FX team had to create the final look, while Howard Shore (the composer) would have to compose appropriately timed music and the sound FX team would insert the proper mix. Then while everyone is doing this, Jackson edits the film and adds a few more scenes with additional elephants in the battle. Everything is messed up and you have to redo your work. In my mind, I imagine that it’s like Lifesong being rewritten everyday with new cast members and new songs/effects/stage crew/speaker/testimonies, and we still have to be ready for the final night of the performance. If the movie has taught me anything, it really is about the spirit of fellowship. Some people spent nearly 6-7 years of their lives dedicated to these movies. You can see that there was something beyond a working relationship, beyond camaraderie, something almost spiritual that held the collaborators together. When I looked at the making of the movie, I imagine that the church can learn a lot from it in seeing what a community can become. There was sharing of time and space, and people were totally dedicated to the completion of the task. There was great cost to being so dedicated, yet everyone freely supported one another and they would spontaneously break out into spits of laughter and enjoyment of each other’s company. When the movie was finishing it’s time of filming, people would have great celebrations and cheer one another for a job well done. I have to admit that again it was inspiring, seeing the cast members leaving the group and thanking one another for being apart of something great (of course I got teary eyed again, but I swear it was the music). Man oh man, if only the church can demonstrate this level of celebration and thankfulness for one another. If only the world could look to us as THE model for support and devotion. We’re far from the idealization of such a dream, but it’s a dream worth attaining – and I think we’ll get there someday. Tune in again for some hysterical holiday stories.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/16/2004 10:39:00 AM

Monday, December 13, 2004

The spoken word, the written word, the living word. Hmmm... so the topic of Bible Study/Interpretation is a difficult issue. I can't believe I actually have 4 comments, haha. I usually use this blog as a means of establishing spiritual markers so I can see how I'm doing, but it's good to see the blogging world be more communicative recently. So here's a little diddy into my developing journey of experiencing the written word of God. First, since I'm not even going to TRY to be eloquent, I'll just say that the section about the Bible in Adventures in Missing the Point pretty much sums up how I currently view the Bible and the (mis)interpretations surrounding it. If you want to read what it says, I wrote up the complete chapter in my blog. Check out my archives for the weeks of 01/25/2004 - 02/21/2004. I'm taking the cheap way out... I would love to explain my own journey and have a few stories to share (in due time, I will post some of them). But for now, here's two methods of 'doing Bible Study' from the IVCF website. They're both told in story form and they're both legit - as they are still being used by IVCF staff workers to help explain BS methodologies to the student leaders. Depending on the staff worker, one story is used a lot more, and there have even been tensions in the manner of approaching BS that these articles suggest. If you have time, take a look and figure out where you tend to gravitate towards in terms of BS. The Student, The Fish, and Agassiz The method of studying scripture that puts high value on good analysis. Exploring DC The method of studying scripture that puts emphasis on the journey. I was going to compare two classic movies and how they can represent the different styles of studying scripture - ah well. I promise I'll blog about the golden oldies again... after I watch the LOTR: Return of the King:SE DVD (4 HOURS!!!). Tune in again for tales of subversive weight gain.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/13/2004 01:42:00 AM

Friday, December 10, 2004

It's often the friends of the Bible who do it the most damage, as they entirely miss its purpose and message.

- Brian McLaren, Adventures in Missing the Point

I've just completed my very first class at tyndale. I had taken the Biblical Interpretation course with Brian Irwin on thursday nights and it has been interesting (my buzzword for anything that I can't properly describe). Our course textbook was 'how to read the bible for all it's worth' by Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart. It's a great book that I would recommend for most christians to read. In the beginning, I was surprised that this was the textbook because it seems very simple for a seminary course. However, upon surfing around looking at other seminary syllabi, this seems to be one of the standard books. I enjoyed the class because many times, my mind would be stretched in thinking about God and life in general, and how the Bible ties into that. The general principle that I learned was that I need to personally read more deeply (studying the Word), and more widely (researching customs, history surrounding verses), and highly (actually applying - the hardest part - got the worse grade on that section too, bah). I'll list out a few snapshots of the course and add my commentary. The Good Through parts of the course, I was able to get a glimpse of the richness of the Word. For instance, look at Luke 19:11-27 (The Parable of the ten minas). Most people would read it like the Matthew counterpart (Mt 25 - Parable of the talents). Go read it NOW. What do you think? Similar/different? What's the main point of each? I don't want to get into too much detail, but I learned that I have been totally reading Luke the wrong way. Most people would assume the master to be Jesus and thus, will preach about the Master judging his servants, and thus Jesus judging people of their wrongdoings. Sounds okay, right? Well, after reading about the historical background surrounding this passage, I think I have a good grasp of what the original audience would have understood when they heard this parable. Let's just say that the Master can be seen as Herod Antipas instead of Jesus - whoa, now you'll read the passage in a totally different light. In any case, I have a greater appreciation for history and 'good' exegesis. The Bad In spite of learning that new worlds of learning has opened up to me, I still have great reservations about the typical method of bible study as taught by mainline evangelical institutions. The bible study approaches that I was taught seems to be very good, straight to the point, and if I did a good job studying properly, I will come up with the right answer. Or even worse, if I 'just' read the bible properly, God has spoken to me. This type of thinking - the right/wrong thinking, the christian/other thinking, the objective/not subjective thinking - is very much a result of our Western desire for knowing everything, and that everything has to make rational sense. I have found that I'm beginning to be quite weary of this sort of mentality, and there are many people out there who see it as a problem. So to go to something like the bible that is rich in mystery and far removed from our current settings do to age, I find that the building of the systematic method of analyzing the Word and God can often result in being caught up with how WE read the Word, rather than letting the Word read US. This type of thinking is often associated with postmodernism or having a 'reader response' method. In any case, I've seen far too many cases where people (out of a pure desire to follow God and know His ways) exclaim that one interpretation is the final, correct one - while the other viewpoint is dismissed. So that's why I'm apprehensive whenever we reduce something like the Bible into a way of living, or a set a principles, etc. The Ugly So what am I really saying? I'm not quite sure. I know that the way we operate our church, and the way we view God, spirituality, sins, and the Bible will be changing in this transitioning world. I just hope that I can help unwrap the current state of things until I find the pure form of Christianity and rebuild myself around that. It's gonna be tough because I feel like I'm being pulled by two camps. One, towards the standard way of doing things - to ignore what I'm feeling and just stay within the safe realms of 'normal' christianity. The other camp is drawing me towards a life of dismissal - run away from all that hypocritical church stuff and do my own thing. I've seen people go both ways, and many people are stuck in the middle. I gotta figure out how to balance this tension - and it may very well start with making sense of the Bible. Tune in again as we go back to our golden oldies.


Yu-Ling posted at 12/10/2004 03:07:00 PM

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Community of the Spirit Witnesses to the World

- IVCF Staff Conference 04

I’m back from IVCF’s national staff conference and I have just one word for it: wow. IVCF had invited AFC to join in their staff conference and originally Peter was going to go to represent the university ministry. He had a speaking engagement so I went in his stead. Even though I was pretty tired and not doing my best (as briefly described in my previous blog entry), this was a great conference – I would likened it to a mini-urbana. Gabriel, Paula and myself got there late on weds, Dec 1. The program had already started and we sat at the back watching the presentation of IVCF’s history. It’s pretty interesting, and it’s also funny because during AFC’s staff meetings, we’re learning about how various student movements have begun in the past and how they impacted the world. I can’t believe how easily IVCF can poke fun at one another and how quickly everyone can celebrate with one another. One of the great things about this conference was the developing network amongst student workers. Although IVCF has several different ministries (univ, high school, and camp), I was hoping to meet more univ staff workers. That didn’t pan out very well. BUT, I did meet many other workers. In my small group I was with Neal and his wife Marilyn who have been with IV for 30+ years. Neal’s the associate director of western Canada I believe. Also in my SG was Lars who is the associate director of the Caribbean islands for IFES. Even more exciting is the fact that IFES has chosen Toronto, Canada for the site of it’s next world assembly in 07 (imagine an international Urbana). It’s amazing how everything is connected, because Lars was roommates with Gideon Yung (Lyds’ uncle) in UW so he’s very familiar with AFC. We’ll definitely be helping out in 3 years. Also had chances to talk briefly to Barbara (staff worker at North Bay), Paul Chin (staff worker at Guelph, and Urbana’s elec guitar player), Alison Siewart (Director of the Urbana skits and writer of the drama Team Handbook, she lives in Mississauga), Jon Lim (staff worker at UofA), Peter (staff worker at McGill), Donna Dong (Multi-ethnic ministry Coordinator), Geri Rodman (IVCF Canada President), Rikk Watts (Regent Prof). All in all, it was very good. The teaching by Rikk Watts was especially helpful. Man, I really appreciate the value of quality education (that I enjoy) – especially from a seminary. It’s making me think very hard about my future in terms of seminary education – the 5W’s and the H is killing me right now. I feel like I’m floating on top of several great possibilities in life but I haven’t really grabbed a hold of a single one. Depending on several choices, I can see myself in TO, or somewhere else. Remain here for the rest of my life, be away for several years, or go away for good. I guess EG has helped a bit with this, but I definitely need to redevelop an increasing consistency in my relationship with Him. In the meantime, gotta work on my exegesis paper on the tower of Babel. Tune in again when I explain the secret to my heart (peeling fruit).


Yu-Ling posted at 12/07/2004 01:14:00 AM

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Gone for a few days I will be at the IVCF National Staff Conference for the next few days. I haven't prepared very well - mentally, physically, or spiritually - actually, have been in a downward slide recently due to laziness/tiredness. Please pray that I'll seek the Lord in spite of my weaknesses. I'll update when I get back. In the meantime, if you want to start getting in the festive mood, go watch a holiday cartoon (ie. A Charlie Brown X-mas, or Mickey's Christmas Carol). Or if you're bored, feel free to comment on the survey in the entry below. Tune in again for stories from last christmas [I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away].


Yu-Ling posted at 12/01/2004 03:48:00 PM