I have found the answer is to love You and be loved by You alone.
- Shane Barnard, The Answer
The weekend has come and gone and I find myself missing that one Saturday night where everything else faded away except for my God. Truly, I have been revived at winter retreat and I pray that my renewed dependency on my Lord will not be just a thing of emotion, of feelings, ultimately a momentary lapse back into God’s good graces.
In going to the retreat, I was of the mindset that I would get to know more people in the fellowship. Perhaps, because of my desire to develop accountability amongst the men in the fellowship, I had limited the number of people that I would talk to. In any case, I desired to develop closer relationships with the fellowship. Interestingly enough, although this initial motivation was not completely met, God threw me a curve ball by challenging me with an even deeper motivation: the opportunity to draw closer to Him.
Late Friday night, I found myself beginning to be overwhelmed in the middle of prayer with my beside fellowship group. A friend asked God to make this retreat a time of resting in Him. His prayer really opened my heart and I found myself desiring for this to be true. I don’t think I have completely rested in the Lord for a long time.
As Saturday night came to an end, our annual worship and sharing time began. I am always moved during the time of sharing. I love to listen to the stories of my fellow brothers and sisters… and to hear how God has moved their hearts in such a short period of time (one weekend), I can’t imagine how God will bless our lives in its entirety. Yet, it was during the time of worship that my steps towards reconciliation began.
It was in the midst of musical worship that I began to confess my sins to God. I thought I was just going through the motions of confession, yet He chose to break my heart and the tears just kept on flowing. I have not fully let go of my emotions since frosh year. It was truly amazing to allow my emotional inhibition to be loosened and to worship God freely. I love that I can be spiritually emotional once again.
In the middle of a worship set, I had to break away from the rest of the group and have some quiet time. I believe God has touched me during that time of meditation. I kept on challenging Him to make His will known to me. I asked for a clear path, that he would answer my prayers… whether the answer may be yes or no, at least I can know what he desires from me. I think my longing for a clear-cut answer has always been a barrier between God and myself. Through this whole time, I was sure that finally God would answer my prayers. He did. He told me that His love is sufficient. I should trust in Him and everything will be answered in its proper time.
Truly, this winter retreat has been a time of revival. I thank God for the prayers and support of my brothers and sisters. I thank Him for the people who organized the retreat, for the fun times had by all, for the openness in sharing… most of all, I thank God for accepting me back once again.
revive me, revive me
not for me but for Your name
in Your mercy deliver me from my enemies
revive me
Thank you Jesus.
Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?
- Calvin, The Authoritative Calvin & Hobbes
Winter Retreat. 'Nuff said.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
- Douglas Adams
I pray to God that I am walking the path He has given me. Yet, I know that I have fallen away many times. So does God’s will lie in my journey or ultimately the end goal? Is my predetermined life resulting in the choices I make, or should I base my choices around my belief in predestination? Well, this circular argument has been running through my head over and over again… why is that? Basically, I’m thinking about my future again.
I am definitely not a model student in any way. Due to my academic ignorance during first year, I have switched over to the 3-year math program. Since then, I have gradually worked harder (hopefully this term will be the best yet), and I barely escaped being let go by the university. Surprisingly, after 3 years in Waterloo, I find that I only need 3 more math courses to graduate.
My struggle now lies in the uncertainty of the future. Although I would very much like to go back to work for a term, I can easily stay in school one more term and finish my degree. Yet, in completing university far earlier than I expected, I neglect many things: my desire to continue serving in CCF, future plans of traveling, etc. I also have many post-graduation plans of such a varied nature. I am still hesitant to choose a desired vocational plan for my future.
Basically, here are my personal choices (not in any particular order):
1) Travel Asia: Certainly this is quite feasible in the near future. Traveling the orient with some friends sounds great… working in a foreign country sounds even better (since I will have NO income). Perhaps working at a missions/aid organization would be ideal. Else there is always many opportunities in the wonderful world of fast food business. In any case, I will have to drastically improve my Chinese… and learn a few other languages as well.
2) Business grunt worker: My last job was a Consumer Loans Administrator for AGF Trust Company. Basically, I played with the client’s portfolios. To be honest, I actually enjoyed working that type of work, working in that type of environment, generally working in the Finance district. It is also foreseeable to take additional professional exams in order to further your career.
3) Film studies: I have always enjoyed the many aspects of film. I can watch movies all day and comment on the style, motifs, contrast, and dialogue of any movie. I love listening to the commentary on DVDs as well as watching the additional footage and pre/post film development featurettes. It would be amazing if I can actually transform my life long hobby into my occupation.
4) Christian/Theological studies: I absolutely have the desire to learn more about God. I also have a desire to learn formally in a Christian school setting. Although I am doubtful about a career towards pastoral roles (but who knows?), I am definitely considering other careers via this route.
So those are the four main post-graduation plans. I am still in the process of thinking things through, seeking advice, and ultimately trying to find God’s will in my life. Whatever happens, I hope my ultimate journey of seeking God will be evident in any path that I may take.
”Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.”
- Joshua 3:5
Tune in again for the wonderful world according to me.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I have finished reading two books this term. This sounds like quite an accomplishment, however, being a consistent reader in the past, I think I have lost my determination to read (albeit, casual reading). Somewhere in the near future, I really hope I will redevelop my desire to read.
Well, the first "book" would not be considered a literary work by most standards, however, I firmly believe that such genre type books are just as important as the classics such as Dickens, Tolstoy, and Plato. Yes, I am talking about comic books. Specifically, I’m referring to Batman: The dark knight returns by Frank Miller. I love Miller’s gritty portrayal of Batman. He adds many humane overtones to an otherwise superhero-like story. Before he came along, Batman was always depicted as quite the superhuman, yet this graphic novel clearly shows an aging human who is dealing with regular problems such as resentment, anger, and emotional pain. If people claim that comics have no sense of plot, or that it functions as merely a “guy’s fantasy”, I challenge them to read this comic. On top of a finely constructed portrayal of Batman, there are many political and social overtones. Get it NOW! =)
The second book (perhaps the only “true” book) is Flatterland by Ian Stewart. As the cover of the book describes it, it is “like flatland, only more so. This novel is considered a sequel to the book Flatland by Edwin A. Abbot, a book written in the late eighteen hundreds about a two dimensional universe. Basically, this fictitious novel explores mathematical theorems and concepts by means of actualizing specific concepts. There are living, breathing beings in the book that are aptly named “Square” or countries such as “Infiniville”. I guess I’m feeding the inner mathie in me. If you want a fairly good romp through the math universe, this is a wonderful approach of understanding math with an engaging literary style. Check out Flatland for more information about the original book.
If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it wouldn't seem wonderful at all.
- Michelangelo
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of music is *that*? Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music. Lucy Van Pelt: What's so great about Beethoven? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great. Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?! Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on a bubble gum card. Have you ever seen his picture on a buble gum card? Hmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on a bubble gum card? Schroeder: Good grief!
- A Charlie Brown Christmas
The Peanuts Illustrated Songbook
The Lighter Side of Jazz
It is becoming increasingly difficult to decide where jazz starts or where it stops, where Tin Pan Alley begins and jazz ends, or even where the borderline lies between classical music and jazz. I feel there is no boundary line.
- Duke Ellington
Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy - the joy of being Salvador Dali - and I ask myself in rapture, 'What wonderful things this Salvador Dali is going to accomplish today?'
- Salvador Dali
Persistence of Fair Weather, circa 1934
I love art, but sometimes, it makes me laugh. Fair weather indeed.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
- Confucius
I just finished my first three days of school and I can say with certainty that this is going to be an exciting term. Apart from taking my mandatory math courses, I am also taking Introduction to Jazz as well as Chinese Literature in English.
Tonight, I went to my Chinese night class at Renison College. I think I’ll make it a goal to have a course in each of the Colleges. I find it very interesting how they seem to be part of the campus, yet formally removed from it. For instance, Grebel has several organizations working out of their college building and now they are constructing a new peace/conflict building to accommodate said associations. Renison is a complete surprise. I understand that it is very much focused on languages, yet most of the people are predominantly white. To my surprise, my chink lit. in eng. Teacher was Chinese… very typical mainlander Chinese with a very strong accent.
I chose to take the Chinese course in order to learn more about my culture and literature. I was so psyched for a great course, and generally appreciative of the opportunity to even learn about my roots… yet after 10 minutes of near-incomprehensible english, I was ready to drop out of the course.
Having a class size of 35 people, I was unable to sneak out of the room. I accepted the fact that I would have to endure 3 hours of broken english and I stuck to my seat earnestly listening to the professor. I am so thankful that I stayed in class.
The teacher described the first Chinese stories as myths. There was a flood story involving Yu, the Great, a creation story, and the story surrounding the full moon. Things became even more interesting as our teacher proposed that there was a connection to the christian stories of the creation, flood, and Garden of Eden accounts. Soon, we analyzed several Chinese characters such as “desire” and how it can be broken down into the Chinese characters of “two trees and a woman”. Now the question is why would the person who created such a word would use a combination of two trees and a woman to convey the picture of “desire”? One can understand the depiction if the temptation of the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil was taken into context. I grabbed this link from Matt, I think it will make my point all the much clearer: Chinese Characters.
Well, hopefully I can learn so much more in this class. We even get a chance to study some excerpts from the classic Chinese novels such as Romance of the Three Kingdoms (we even get to watch an english cartoon about the story… it was made by the Japanese, go figure).
Alrite, two more days and week one is over. I pray that we can all work diligently in the present while pressing towards a vision of a better future.
Tune in again for the establishment of more blasphemous chinglish.
What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
- T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
After finals, holiday breaks, chill nites and lan parties... I'm back.
Tune in again for more diligent blogging from yours truly.
CURRENTLY READING
[x] Space for God[x] Spirit of the Disciplines
[x] Genesee Diary
[x] Prayer
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x]
[x] Colossians Remixed
[x] Soul Shaper
[x] Preaching Re-Imagined
[x] Experiential Storytelling
[x]
[x] READING WISHLIST
RECOMMENDED READINGS
|y| A Generous Orthodoxy|y| A New Kind of Christian
|y| Chronicles of Narnia
|y| Divine Conspiracy
|y| Emerging Church
|y| God in the Alley
|y| How to read the Bible
|y| In His Steps
|y| In the Name of Jesus
|y| Jesus I never knew
|y| Out of the Question
|y| Planet Simpson
|y| Renewing the City
|y| Stumbling towards Faith
|y| Theology as Big as City
|y| Velvet Elvis
LINKS
[x] TCBC Leadership Class
[x] atom.XML
[x] mattmark
[x] spumoni
[x] wongoz
[x] yomi
[x] ling ling #1
[x] smilz
[x] dragonX
[x] supa
[x] jedi master
[x] BUN in HK
[x] Arymis
[x] jon-c
[x] shubox
[x] TKo
[x] gee..why?
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[x] jCool
[x] ching
[x] ajma
[x] rani
[x] tux
[x] lon
[x] erics
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[x] LCLO
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[x] marianne
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[x] Uncle Simon
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[x] frank
[x] Alex 1.0
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[x] lil'O
[x] the FOOs
[x] Waiki
[x] Vaness
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[x] godSIS
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[x] Nate
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[x] mr.T
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