Monday, October 31, 2005

Feelings are very good servants. But they are very bad masters.

- Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart

It's been 2 weeks since I updated this blog. Started updating a new blog from the leadership sunday school that I'm co-leading with Jasmine so I really am blogging, just elsewhere. I've put the link on the side so you guys who don't know what I'm up to at church, just keep up with THAT blog and you'll see what we're doing. Throughout the term - I'm also proud that I'm practically finished all my readings for this term. It feels like such an accomplishment to be able to cross out the book readings in the side bar (an aside: I purchased a few books from amazon and crux and I can't help but read some of these books before I read my required readings). Right now - I'm listening to a John Ortberg sermon from his FLOW series. It's about the power of desire. He talks about the balance between succumbing to your desires and totally denying your desires. What a prophetic sermon I'm listening to. I have to confess, I'm struggling with my desires. At times, I'm very good with my money (a material desire). But sometimes I hit a spending binge where I go buy several DVDs and books and I justify it by saying that its to further my education in knowing culture/people. I've also been struggling with my desire for relationship and intimacy (physical desire). Sometimes I'm good by myself because I like the solitude. But I remember over the weekend, my dad came back home on friday nite and he jokingly suggested that I should go out and 'meet people' cause staying at home on weekends is unhealthy. That got me so pissed off. And I think that anger stemmed from my desire to want intimacy and yet not want to sacrifice for it. Man, these are some tough times of self reflection. Last Week - in my urban ministry class, a classmate broke down and confessed that she is struggling with the future. She is a single mother doing an internship at a small church and she will graduate from tyndale very soon... but there is a heavy financial burden on her (around $50000 debt). She's so tempted to go back to her large church in order to free herself from the debt and to provide for her family and yet she feels strongly that she should stay in this small church. And right there in the middle of class - she had to confess this small temptation of material desire in her life. Man. Can I ever develop such honesty with my own life that I can share my desires with my peers/community. No matter how big or small, no matter how right or wrong, I DO want to grow so I can share more of myself in this way. Can I ever have a healthy understanding of desire so that they will not master me? Can I ever deveop a appropriate sense of self worth, of appreciation for work, play, rest, and study? I think I can get there. It's just the growth part that hurts like mad. Tune in again for more confessions of a dangerous mind.


Yu-Ling posted at 10/31/2005 05:14:00 PM

Monday, October 17, 2005

Times change. God doesn't, but times do. We learn and grow, and the world around us shifts, and the Christian faith is alive only when it is listening, morphing, innovating, letting go of whatever has gotten in the way of Jesus and embracing whatever will help us be more and more the people GOd wants us to be.

- Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis

I'm so excited, I just purchased a few books off Amazon.ca and they have all arrived. They are the following (with side commentary): Preaching Re-Imagined is written by Doug Pagitt. Of course being one of the founding members of the emergent movement I wanted to quickly grab this book and see what he has to say. Really, he wants to dialogue about better ways to communicate. He says that we have to move beyond speaching and aim for 'progressional implicatory preaching'. Sounds very intricate, but the book looks very simple and engaging. Now the big question is whether I am just interested in learning how to progressively-implicatory-preach... or is this something that God is direction me towards...? Will keep on learning and praying. Ah... one of my favourite pastors is Rob Bell. He is a dynamic teacher/preacher/pastor and I absolutely love how he brings the bible to life. This guy has really influenced me and cultivated a desire in me to learn more about the Jewish culture. This book entitled 'velvet elvis' is his take on exploring the Christian faith. I love his analogy - if the Christian faith was like a painting, then the whole point isn't about making copies of the same painting over and over again. The challenge of the art is to take what was great about the previous paintings and incorporate that into the new paintings. And in the process, make something beautiful - for today. Here are the other books. Great stuff, but can't write mini reviews quite yet: Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. Diamond presents the biologist's answer to global history: geography, demongraphy, and ecological happenstance. Link HERE Thirsty for God A brief history of Christian Spirituality (needed for Tyndale course). Link HERE Beyond Foundationalism Stanley Grenz and John Franke move past foundationalism of the Enlightenment period to offer a revolutionary method for doing theology in a postmodern age. Link HERE Oh yeah, and I finished 2 books, 3 essays and an assignment today. Hebrew test tomorrow. Tune in again as the fun kraziness keeps on going, and going, and going.


Yu-Ling posted at 10/17/2005 11:10:00 PM

Friday, October 07, 2005

I can see the conditions I place on my giving, my own subtle forms of manipulation. I am confronted with my pride that requires others to conform to my image. I see my need to control, to meter out love in exchange for the responses I desire.

- Robert Lupton, Theirs is the Kingdom

. In several conversations with friends throughout the last few months, I've been noticing that my questions have been more reflective in nature. Basically, I've been asking people (in subtle and not so subtle ways) about how they perceive/understand me. I think the biggest reason why I'm having these conversations is to figure out who I am: Why do I do the things that I do? Am I more attuned to being manipulative of people, or do I genuinely care for them? What is my reason for going down this specific path of life? Do I honestly feel like I am beginning to answer God's call on my life or do I just enjoy being seen as some sort of spiritual leader? A confession: The more I think about the reasons why I talk to certain people, have certain conversations, make certain decisions... the more I am aware of my own subtle forms of manipulation. In my desire to see others grow in Christ, I really want to see the people I like become more spiritually mature. As for other people - I honestly don't care. When I inquire about a person's life, I think I often prompt them to conform not so much to God's image, but to my own image. And if I'm really honest, I think many of my decisions are based on pride and power - A desire to be perceived as more spiritually elevated then I am. How come I can never be completely naked and broken before others? All this reflection on my dark side just makes me even more upset when I see fellow Christians struggle through the same thing. I get absolutely infuriated when people cannot break down walls of hostility and grow deeper with one another. And yet at the same time, I know this critical attitude is really a reflection of a deeper self-critique of my own misgivings. Starting to think about Psalm 51. Thank God that there were messed up people in the Bible that we can learn from. Tune in again for more anxiety-ridden-self-reflection.


Yu-Ling posted at 10/07/2005 12:11:00 AM

Monday, October 03, 2005

Lisa: Watch it, Dad, you're the highly suggestible type. Homer: yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

- The Simpsons

I just did the myers-briggs test for the second time in a year. The first time I did it was at a IVCF conference in march 2005. I came out to be a INTP (Introverted, Intuition, Thinking, Perceiving). This time around, I am a INFP (Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving). So basically I get energy from the inner world of ideas and impressions (introversion). I gather information by viewing patterns and possibilities (intuition). I make decisions primarily based on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns (feeling). I interact with the outer world by taking a flexible and spontaneous approach to life and prefer to keep my options open (perceiving). So here's the comparisons between my type tendencies in march as compared to my type tendencies today. INTP (in march 2005) Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical. INFP (right now, october 2005) Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened. Lessons learned? There is no 'right' or 'wrong' type. So even different 'type-people' have something to contribute (and I gotta get over my own type biases). In seeing the comparison between my type assessment, I can definitely see how I have changed. Although it's quite funny that being more feeling oriented has potentially changed me so much. So what do you think? Can you see me as a INFP? Lemme know. Tune in again for shorter updates ;).


Yu-Ling posted at 10/03/2005 05:06:00 PM