Thursday, August 22, 2002

Discovering the object of the game IS the object of the game.

- Daniel Schorr, The Game

I’m going through one of those What is the meaning of life type of moods again. I’ve always had an ecclesiastiscal attitude and it becomes even more dominant when I start questioning my purpose in fellowship, in school, and in life. The great teacher from the book of ecclesiastes says that everything is meaningless. He has sought after pleasure, it was found to be meaningless. He gained wisdom, attempted folly, exercise work in life… yet everything was found to be meaningless. When looking at the grand scheme of things: my own life in the infinite span of the cosmos, I find myself easily drawn to the same conclusion. Nowadays, my daily routine has been reduced to watching the tele, tons of e-mailing, and generally lots of time in front of a radiated source of light. I guess my environment has definitely shaped me for the past week. Perhaps in my great state of atrophy, I have allowed my mind to wander near and afar. And you know what, I’m thankful for my endless questioning of the significance of human life. there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. To quote from Ecclesiastes 3:1, maybe this is a time for me to be silent. Perhaps it’s a time to search or a time to give up. In any case, I’ll continue indulging these questions. Can’t imagine what’s in store for me next term.


Yu-Ling posted at 8/22/2002 08:59:00 PM

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

I call our world Flatland, not because we call it so, but to make its nature clearer to you, my happy readers, who are privileged to live in Space.

- A. Square, Flatland

Sometimes your perspective in life totally changes. For better or worst, at least you have th courage to admit your ignorance towards life.


Yu-Ling posted at 8/20/2002 11:23:00 PM

Saturday, August 17, 2002

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then to me.

- Shakespeare, Macbeth

Today, I went out to dinner with my parents. The conversation naturally turned to my future. Do I have any plans after graduation. Will I further continue in my education or immediately begin moonlighting in the working world. Why not choose the obvious blessed road of seminary. A million questions float my way yet I hardly have one solid answer to give in return. In hindsight, I find the little tête-à-tête’s with my parents to be very helpful. Of course, in the heat of the moment, I am totally oblivious to their loving motives. Instead, I become a defensive brute… being overly protective about every single argument. I really must work on this anger problem. Perhaps the main reason why I always get annoyed when speaking about this subject is because of my own uncertainty towards the future. What can I do with a Bachelors of Math? More importantly, what should I do with a university education? Am I best serving the Lord by pursuing a realistic occupation in business? Or should I follow the ambitious aspiration involving such artistic medium as film? I can spend a lifetime asking these questions… yet will I ultimately find a calling of some sort. My mom suggests that I think too much. My dad feels that time/life is short and I should be quick to decide (albeit with careful consideration). I agree yet disagree with both of them at the same time. Guess I’m just trying to figure things out on my own for now. If anything, it was good to have my parents act as sounding boards in order for me to specifically voice out my fears and concerns. Well, I still have the rest of august to argue over my future. Tune in tomorrow for fresh songs like spring.


Yu-Ling posted at 8/17/2002 11:56:00 PM

Friday, August 16, 2002

I'm done talking. Get out of my cave.

- Batman, The Dark Knight Strikes Again

Life in Toronto has become quite bizarre. There will be days where my schedule is packed full of events. From early morning to late night I am not afforded any free time whatsoever. Running multiple errands, meeting numerous people, planning for the future. These things add up to a half-empty tank of gas, and a sleeping schedule that rivals even Batman. On the other hand, there are days like these where I barely speak a word. I think I said roughly seven words today: - Sure in response to my mom’s offer of lunch - He’s not here in response to my dad asking for my bro - ”mmm-sai” in response to my grandfather’s offer to cook me dinner - Good night habitual evening address to my parents I definitely have to work on this at-home-attitude. I have to prevent myself from equating rest with laziness. Tune in tomorrow for a fabulous journey into the mind of Larry the Cucumber.


Yu-Ling posted at 8/16/2002 11:58:00 PM

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.

- Henry Wadsowrth Longfellow

Man oh man oh man. I haven’t touched my blog in nearly two weeks. How sad that amidst finals, my blogging has degenerated into nothingness. Well, I admit that I neglected my blog when the times were tough (probably a direct correlation to my general level of commitment), however, I am ready to make amends to this new found friend. It has been a means to relieve stress, establish thoughts, and overall it reveals my life from a scattered point of view (I will have it no other way). The Updates Much has happened this past spring term. I’ve witnessed pain and suffering. I’ve seen love and joy. I am continually amazed by the dept of emotion that human beings possess. Perhaps in looking back at the pass term, I’m beginning to redevelop an appreciation for the need of balance in my life. I am filled with a sense of renewed wonderment for the sheer complication that is life. Tragedy. It struck down hard on my friends and I. In the lazy days of summer, one hardly expected anything of interest besides the typical fellowship related debate. Yet, in a time not-forgotten, a fellow friend past away. A few weeks later, death struck again at the lives of a father and a grandmother. Human interpretation of death is interesting. Out of all God’s creations, us humans are the only ones who develop elaborate ceremonies involving death. Not only does a single death cause much change in the immediate, there is almost a sense of change within the very soul of all who are connected to the newly departed. It’s interesting to note that all who feel this change will find a common bond through that one death. Maybe it was in this time of suffering/grieving that I had the opportunity to develop closer bonds with many people. Change. The irony of the word strikes me because it is possibly the only human notion that is constant. In looking at the present, and preparing for the future, I think change must go hand-in-hand with balance. I’ll look at CCF as a specific example. Going to my third year, I can honestly say that this coming fall term will be the greatest change that I’ve experienced in CCF. With nearly all the leaders of old gone off the campus, my fellowship is experiencing new developments due to visioning/planning by a new committee. All leaders, both official and unofficial have demonstrated a great passion for this coming term. Great dreams, ambitions, fueled by desire to see a furthering in God’s kingdom has lead to many new progresses in Waterloo CCF. As always, there is a time of conflict and a time of renewal. There’s been great drives towards un-sugar coated bible study; possible discussions of a separate Cantonese and/or Mandarin CCF; many million other issues worth thinking about. Being in my position, I am again amazed at the sheer complexities of how God runs the universe. If within CCF, a small community of believers can disagree over so many things such as frosh small groups, utilization of money, etc. how can I even fathom a world full of human beings who have their own vision about the perfect world. Even worse, can I even picture me dealing with the endless beliefs, attitudes, and judgments. In my devotions lately, I’ve been trying to find the balance needed for my life. Balance between the spiritual and the secular. Balance between logic and emotion. Balance between life and death. I know this is a lifelong commitment (because I don’t think I will ever actualized a feasible solution in this lifetime) and I believe the whole process will lead to a deeper understand of the Lord. The Plan Planning for the future is always filled with overly ambitious dreams. I want to plan big, yet be confident in the realism of my ideas. I want to be able to read the whole bible before school starts (I better start soon). I want to pass on a vision of CCF into the new frosh in Waterloo. I want to celebrate in my discipline (a goal of mine since yesteryears). I’m still unsure as to how I may realize many goals for the coming fall term. I’m still uncertain as to which ministry I would like to commit to. I just know that I need to continue to pray and ask God for guidance. It’s such a simple statement, yet I think many of us have been wrapped up in planning for our future that we neglect this much needed spiritual guidance. Well, my plans for august will be pretty basic: continue to do my devos, read the Word and pray to Him for guidance. The Final Thought I’ve been blessed this past term with many friendships. I’ve been blessed with the conversations, the debates, even the conflicts of emotions. I hope that in my continued effort to discover this balance in my life, I will be able to serve you who I meet here and there. That in our brief journey together, we may share our life stories and we can develop meaningful fellowship through our gracious Father. Tune in tomorrow for more musings about chaotic instant messaging entertainment.


Yu-Ling posted at 8/13/2002 11:14:00 PM

Thursday, August 01, 2002

You're here again? You kids really dig the library don't you?

- Jenny Calendar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Okay. First official library blog, live from DC Library. How does blogging in the library differ from blogging at home? I'm still writing down my thoughts (although at an accelerated pace) and it's a nice break from my studying routine. Of course, I have people peeking over my shoulder and I'm surrounded by CCFers in their cubicles, but the joy of blogging is still much the same. Perhaps there is the additional thrill in writing a "creative think-piece" in the midst of people. I dunno. In any case, I'll blog more later... when I take another break.


Yu-Ling posted at 8/01/2002 12:16:00 PM